Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Truth about Professionalism

I am just going to put it out there so that there is no beating around the bush, no awkward "can we ask her?"'s, and no "I feel sorry for her"'s.... I did not make the Essen team in Germany. But that is ok. Unfortunately the harsh reality of professional sports is that not every team is right for you and you are not right for every team. As an athlete you never want to hear those dreaded words that come from all coaches at one time or another, "sorry, we do not want to sign you", or how ever they turn you away. I have been around this sport enough now to know that a competitive spirit is crucial to being successful  and with that competitive spirit of course comes an overdeveloped pride. And when that pride takes a hit it never feels good. But having said, that I am doing ok and looking for my next opportunity to play. And in the mean time I am staying with one of my best friends, who is also playing in Germany, Elli Reed.

The week started off on a good foot, aside from the fact that the airlines lost my baggage and I only had a few pairs of undies and socks to get me through. I stayed with the American girl who has played on Essen for over two years. She was extremely kind and really took care of me. Her name was Kat and for the week it was me, Kat, her husband and their cat, Oscar. Kat was the blonde twin of my college roommate Halley. When I walked out of the airport (bag-less) and met Kat I instantly felt like I was in the presence of Halley. And when I walked into their apartment I felt like I had walked back in time to my dorm room in Corrado when Halley and Logan were there. That actually brought me a lot of comfort. Just like Halley, Kat had an infatuation with animals, but most obsessively with their cat, Oscar. Oscar was crazy and was more like a dog than a cat. He fetched, liked to wrestle, and didnt do anything cat-like. Seeing as I am more of a dog person than a cat person, I liked him.

We had training the night I got in. We did some shooting and crossing and finishing, my personal favorite. I did well, scored a lot of goals and had a lot of fun. The coach seemed to like me and I got good feed back. I slept hard that night as the time difference started setting in. Over the last two months I have been in 10 of the 12 time zones between the west coast of the US and Russia. And as many of you know I hardly ever sleep past 9 AM... I was sleeping until 11 AM almost every day this week. Anyways, because we didnt have anything most days until the evening it was no problem to catch up on my sleep that late. We had a few more trainings. We did strength and conditioning one practice, some 1 v 1 and 2 v 2 drills, some three team games and other drills like that. Overall, I did well. The coach seemed to like me and gave me a lot of positive feedback, as well as made comments about a contract. But it seemed it was not meant to be.

He wanted to wait to sign a contract until he saw me play in a full game on Sunday against a boys team. So, come Sunday, I was over a little head cold I had contracted over the week and over my sleeping in mornings. We awoke to a nice dose of rain, some of my favorite weather to play in. I played only the second half of the game and I apparently didnt do what the coach was looking for. I actually didnt feel like I did much of anything, except run around to show that I worked hard. But when your playing boys who are bigger, faster and stronger than you and your team, it is hard to do much of anything except run around. After the game the coach pulled me aside and told me those words that no one likes to hear. I was a bit surprised but I also knew that after that game I couldnt expect much more. I shook his hand and said thank you for the opportunity. If nothing else I was exposed to the training of one of the best teams in one of the best women's leagues in the world. I know now that I am at their level of play and can be dropped in with them and be fine.

If a film crew were following me through this journey it would make for some funny scenes. After you hear news like that it is so awkward going back into the locker room or being around the team again. After a week of training I was just starting to make some friends and people who liked me and liked the way I played. So after the news and the game, I was sad and wanted to cry, I was angry and wanted to yell, but I also didnt want to let the team and my new "friends" see that, so then I had to try to hide it and pretend like it was all ok. Plus we had to shower after... and we all know the scenes in Hollywood movies where the protagonist has the break down in the shower (maybe its the running water that makes it easy to let your emotions out) but lets just say I had to try really hard to make it through the shower without having a break down. I got dressed as quickly as possible and went and sat outside to get some fresh air and calm myself before any of the girls said anything about it. In retrospect it was kind of funny because its not often that people have to try that hard to control their emotions, and in the moment you think your doing a good job of hiding it, but in reality its probably so obvious that you are a gaping pin head space away from having a complete melt down.

Then comes the awkward calls home. After a week of positive conversations and feedback and everyone waiting for the good news those calls were not fun to make. "SOOOOOOOO, I didnt make it..." "haha, noooo. thats funny, what did her REALLY say?" "No really, I didnt make it..." "wait, are you serious?" "Ya." "Oooooohh..." Something like that... again, at the time, those are not funny, but in retrospect they are a little funny because you are catching everyone off guard. BUT, again I have learned some very valuable lessons that I dont think can be learned unless they are experienced first hand.

Everyone faces rejection, defeat, loss or something along those lines at one point in their lives. The truth is that you can not win them all. And as cliche and corny those inspirational quotes are, they are all true. I personally choose to live my life with an attitude of "onwards and upwards". So I have accepted this failure and rejection and am now looking to do better at my next opportunity, when ever it comes. I am prepared for it and will make the most of it. And if it does not come, then I can not look back with regret because I did everything I could. I worked hard, I trained hard, I stayed focused, I took every opportunity that came up and I did my best. If it was not good enough then so be it... but I cant say I didnt make it because I gave up. And now after the funny awkward moments are over and I sit here at Elli's (because she is the best friend I could ever ask for and has been so helpful and welcoming), I wait patiently for the next opportunity to come up. I hope to know where my next move will be within the next few days and will keep you all posted on it. In the mean time keep your fingers crossed that something comes up soon so that I didnt just blow a lot of money on a flight here to walk back into my college dorm room and live on Elli's couch for a week, ha!

I love you all and thank you all for your support. It means more than I can express.

Cheers!

Dani


Monday, August 20, 2012

Welp.... Here I go... again!


O hey there... bet you thought we were passed all of this distance stuff?? I was hoping that this "virtual me" would have 3 dimensions for at least a few weeks in the US... but like the ancient Chinese proverb says "don’t assume, it makes an a$$ out of you and me". I was an a$$ to assume that I would get those weeks. So, here I am sitting on a plane leaving the Portland airport a mere 6 days after I flew into Portland and a mere 16 days after getting back into the US, ready to take off to Duisberg, Germany.

Now, now... pick your jaws up off the floor and pull yourselves together, I was just as surprised as you are. This week has been one hell of a busy week! I had booked a round trip flight from Denver to Portland from the 12th to the 25th. (By the way, I bought flight insurance to get a refund on my ticket just in case I chose to cancel it… turns out flight insurance only gives you a refund if you die or are severely hurt but they don’t tell you that as you spend the extra $20…really solid insurance policy) I told everyone that was kind enough to spend time with me in Colorado that I would see them upon my return to Colorado on the 25th. I had given hugs and kisses believing there would be more to come before having to say a big goodbye again. I packed a half-full backpack with mostly underwear and workout clothes to Portland because Becca had taken one of my bags from our European tour back with her. I didnt bring my passport thinking I could get that when I went back to Denver before heading abroad again. Those were all poor decisions.

I got in on Monday about one in the afternoon after seeing my parents off on their 25th wedding anniversary to Jamaica, and met Becca outside of the PDX airport! The Portland summer weather, which is my FAVORITE summer weather in the world, was absolutely perfect! The sun was shining (but not too hot), the air was clean and the pungent smell of Portland food cart food hung in the air... I was in heaven and back in my comfort zone, my element. Tuesday I spent time catching up with Emma Nelson (my most clever friend to whom I have sneakily made many an undetected reference to, knowing full well she would be the only person a certain word or phrase would carry any significance for). We ate at my favorite breakfast joint, Beaterville (not only do I love the weird Portland feel of the restaurant but they have gluten free biscuits), worked out, practiced with UP, rode bikes around town, sat under the St John’s Bridge, hung out with Buddies, drank beer whilst listening to bluegrass, basically packed the day full of the things I love to do most in Portland. Wednesday I awoke with a similar no-planned schedule, only to receive a call from my agent just as I was getting ready to get my work out started. He said “Well, it looks like we got you a tryout in Germany, when can you leave?” I bit down on my lip because I didn’t know if what would come out was a side fist pump, a side-skip-kick and a scream “YESSSSS!!!” or a mix between an angry, sad and tearful “NOOOOO!”

So, instead of reacting, I simply took a deep breath and calmed myself enough to respond to his question. I thought, “Well, UP plays North Carolina on Friday (which by the way THEY WON on a goal from the one and only Skinny Marink, Ellen Parker of course!), have to have lunch with Olympic bronze medalist and one of my best friends, Sophie Schmidt, and I have a wedding to attend Saturday morning, so the soonest I could leave would be Sunday.” And a couple of minutes later I was talking with a travel agent booking a ticket on the first flight out Sunday morning. I don’t even remember how my workout went after that… I think I blacked out.

The next few days flew by. Becca and I spent as much time with the people I wanted and needed to spend time with before leaving again. We made dinner for some friends, got coffee with some others, worked out, rode bikes, basically did anything we could to keep our minds off of the impeding deadline. But as it approached and plans were finalized it got harder and harder to say goodbye to people once again. The most difficult part of playing abroad and traveling is leaving. Once you get there you get into a routine, find new things, explore, and live your life, but leaving is the hardest part. Don’t get me wrong… I am beyond excited about the opportunity to play in Germany. I mean after all, I will be in the same country as two of my best friends who are playing in Germany as well, Keelin Winters and Elli Reed. I get to play soccer again and this time I wont be in Russia! But, leaving home is hard.

After Wednesday, I didn’t have much time to think, I just turned my thoughts on silence so that I could pack and fill out my traveling forms. And finally, after a whirlwind week, I finished my packing late last night and crawled into bed but didn’t sleep.
And, may I take a second here to apologize to everyone that I didn’t get to see much of or at all, I am sorry. Please understand how much all of you mean to me and how much I wanted to see everyone.

This morning I turned my phone off before the alarm even went off at 5 AM because I was watching the minutes count down. I brushed my teeth, made a peanut butter and jelly on a rice cake and put my stuff in the car. I didn’t allow myself to think until Becca had left and I made it through security and there was no possibility of turning back. I know that sounds silly because who wouldn’t want to live in Germany and get another opportunity to play professional soccer?? I of course want all of that. Deep down the unknowns in this opportunity and experience over power the comfort of the things I know and love in Portland and Denver but it is hard to leave it all so abruptly.

When I boarded the plane and took out my computer to write again I had to take a second to just let the emotions flow over me. I am so excited to leave, but I was not ready to leave yet. I know I will get over it and I will be ok…but here I go, once again, abruptly leaving all the ones I love and miss, trying to get myself together enough to take on a new culture again. I started this whole thing out at the Dulles airport bar with a beer, and made it to a beach in Turkey, hid from the snow in Russia, wrote from hostels in Hungary and the Czech Republic, laughed and learned with friends in Berlin, watched the Olympics in England, was welcomed home by my family in Colorado and fell back in love at a food cart in Portland… and now, I ask you to once again, to join me in a toast as I sit in my window seat in the 15th row with a cup of Coffee People joe… To being brave and facing your fears head on. To leaving what you love to seek what will fulfill you. To making the most of your opportunities. To living a roller coaster life. To missing those you love and letting them know that, even if it’s from across the world. To experiencing new cultures, being comfortable in uncomfortable situations and to being unprepared. To my friends and family. And to all of you for following and for once again, joining me in this experience.

Cheers.

Dani 

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

How it feels to be home

Here I am sitting on the deck of my parent's condo overlooking the foothills in Colorado and I am writing this to say thank you to all of you for following my blog throughout this whole journey. I havent gone back and reread all of these blog posts but I did go back and read the first one to see if I could be inspired for this one and I realized what a journey it truly has been for me. The last 5 months of my life have been filled with..... so much. In the first blog I was writing with excitement, everything was so new, different and humorous and that made it se exciting for me. But as the weeks and months went by the blogs died, the humor faded and the excitement dwindled and although I tried to keep a positive attitude it is not hard to see that my spirit was killed a bit.

As I was leaving Russia I was really excited to be embarking on a new adventure across Europe with Becca but I was also really ready to get home to my friends and family. Dont get me wrong, the month traveling through Europe was a blast, I enjoyed every day of it and am so glad that Becca and I were able to do that, however being home is unlike any crazy travel experience. Getting on the plane from Amsterdam knowing that I was going to see my family within the day put a smile on my face bigger than the smile I had leaving Russia. Because I went to university in the northwest away from my family in Colorado coming home holds a special significance. Coming home to Colorado after these last 6 months had the same special feeling but was multiplied. I walked out of DIA customs to see my grandparents and my parents with big signs welcoming me home. There were  tears from all parties and hugs that would probably be considered awkwardly long if they weren't making up for six months of no hugs. We got my bags and went straight to a restaurant in downtown Denver that served the food I missed most in Europe, mexican food! I had a smothered chicken burrito and it was delicious. They asked a million questions, laughed at my stories and told me theirs. It was a perfect welcome home.
The sunset I came home to... CO sunsets are the BEST!
first dinner back together!
My grandparents and I enjoying time back together
My cousins and I
My uncle and I

That night I unpacked my bags, did some laundry and then..... repacked a bag to go camping for the weekend with my whole family. My cousins, aunts and uncle, grandparents, parents and of course dogs all clammed together in two camp spots for the weekend. In this family there is no time for sitting around... we are always on the go, and I must say I love that about my family. We spent the weekend waterskiing, wake boarding, tubing, tanning, sitting around the camp fire and just having some good old fashioned fun. My grandparents are some of the most awesome people I know and they have always stressed the importance of family closeness... and in good humor, the first night of our camping excursion forced our family closeness.....
The morning sun on my parents backyard... not too shabby
Getting the camper ready to go!!

The first night we were sitting around the camp fire and I was playing my guitar when a breeze started to pick up. It didnt start off too hard, you know, just a breeze where you have to watch your cups that are half full (or half empty) or your plate that has only half a hamburger left so they wont blow away flinging food and drink everywhere. But suddenly this little breeze turned sour and kicked into mach speeds. Seriously we didnt even have time to pick up our half eaten hamburgers before the wind was tearing the tops of the tents off, splintering the stakes and igniting the flames from the fire pit into a propane gas flame torch. My grandparents, cousins and uncle made it into their tents and my parents and I into our camper hoping that it would blow over. But it never did. In fact the wind kicked up even harder. At about midnight the wind speed reached about 60 MPH causing my grandparents tent to collapse. So, we attempted to make room for them in our camper... I moved up to my parents full sized bed, the dogs slept on the floor and my grandparents squeezed into the twin size converted table bed for the remainder of the night. Meanwhile the wind was threatening to blow the camper clean over (if it weren't for all of our weight holding the camper down, I am sure it would have). Needless to say we didnt sleep much and woke up at 9 AM laughing at everyone's puffy eyes and sand gritted teeth.
The morning after the storm... all the girls hangin out in bed!
The sunset before the storm get in

Luckily the rest of the weekend went a bit more smooth and we were back to some glass water (glacieerrrr as my brother has always called it). I must say being back with my family, with people who understand me without words and love me unconditionally is a truly incredible thing. Since I have been home I have been surrounded by smiles, laughter and a special love that only your family can give. Later this week my parents, the best party planners I know, have planned a late graduation/ welcome home party for me. I am sure it will be filled with a lot of good food, a lot of big laughs and lord knows a lot of people dancing!!! Then shortly after I will be taking off to Portland to watch my girls in their opening game against North Carolina on August 17th!!!! I cant wait :-)
a little wakeboarding
family lunch
Mom, grandpa and me tubing... my grandpa is awesome!!

I didnt know where to sit... but this is the crew!
some morning glacierrrrr
not too bad of a skiing place!

I am awaiting news as to where and when my next opportunity to play will be, but in the mean time I am enjoying time with my family, being back in the US, being around all of the people I love and who love me and visiting all of my friends. Speaking of which, my mom and I are heading out for a bike ride and so I am going to cut this blog off.

Before I go I would like to say for one last time... thank you all for reading and following my blog. Thank you for laughing at my stories or for supporting me when I was struggling. Thank you for all of your advice, for your kindness and love. When I was struggling this blog gave me such an outlet and all of your positive responses helped me get through it and stay motivated. My words can not express my gratitude except to say it in its simplest form... thank you.

Cheers from the US of A

Dani

Friday, August 3, 2012

The Remainder of the Journey


To continue from the end of yesterday’s blog and to bring you all up to speed on the last few weeks of this journey… we left Berlin, Potsdam, and Keelin to head west once again to England for a truly special experience… to the OLYMPICS!!!!
At the train station!

 The London Tower
ENGLAND

The family of my best friend and one of the people who has been in my life the longest, Brittany is currently doing a long distance family relationship, as all 5 of their family members are spread across the US and England. Her dad is working in Nottingham, a city about 2 hours North of London, and he was kind enough to open his doors to Becca and I. We stayed literally parallel to the Nottingham Palace and on the night of this picture Becca and I were able to get a glance and wave to the Nottingham King.
 Thats me with Robin Hood, of course...
I have been to England a few times before for different soccer purposes, but it was Becca’s first time to England so we did everything we could in the 10 days we were there. We got BritRail passes, which meant that we were able to get on any train at any time and go any where in England for 8 days. Let me just say that we got our money’s worth.

We spent 2 days exploring London. We saw Big Ben, the London Eye, the Tower of London adorned with the Olympic Rings. We went to the British Museum. They are currently doing a feature on the history of the Olympic games. In school you always learn about these buildings and those cultures, but you never actually feel like they are real.  But as I was walking through the display I have never felt such a part of real, ancient history. (Except now I feel like I NEED to go see them in real life in Greece ASAP!!) We went to Hyde Park where the Olympic torch was being brought in and there was a HUGE concert going on for people to celebrate the beginning of the games.

 The London Eye
If we needed to make a call...
Big Ben
THe Ancient Olympics
This years gold medals...

My friend took us to the Peak District, an area north of Nottingham for some hiking. It was incredible. We went from the hustle and bustle of London to the English countryside. We felt like we were walking through people’s property but turns out it is just open space that is divided by old stonewalls that cover the hill side. We walked with sheep and bulls and got lost trying to find our way through the fields. It was absolutely amazing.



We then went to one of the three opening events for the 2012 Olympics. We took the train to Coventry to watch Canada play the defending world champions, Japan. Becca and I got our Canada gear on… luckily because Canada fans were NOT as dressed as the Japanese fans were…




Who knew that all the way across the world there could be a UP alum reunion??! We were able to meet up with one of the best outside backs I have ever played with, and one of the smartest people I know, Jessica Tsao. And to make it EVER better, we were able to sit with someone whom all of you know… especially my mom if she can remember after recovering from getting a shot from one of the world’s best forwards of all time… Tiffany Milbrett. We all sat together watching Canada’s Sophie Schmidt and Christine Sinclair play. It was amazing to see them play on the world’s biggest stage. Although they lost to Japan in their opening match they were able to get through by beating South Africa and then getting a draw with Sweden. I cant even describe the feelings I had while watching them play. I was just so filled with pride and such an immense amount of happiness for them. It is amazing to know so many Olympians. And I am just beyond proud of all of them.




Then after that game we took a day trip northeast out to the coast of England to a city called Scarborough. We just googled towns on the English coast to see and we came across this city, which we thought looked cute from the pictures. BUT, it turned out to be an entire city built as a theme park for kids and parents who think they are more entitled to EVERY kiddie ride then the next. Every bit of the beach was taken up by families who had sprawled their belongings in every direction, or by flocks of seagulls picking at the abandoned or stolen food. Becca figured she needed to get some fresh fish and chips whilst on the English coast and considering I cant eat that I decided I should just go for the fresh fish. I got a miniature shmorgous board of shrimp, crab and lobster.  We both had our little plates of food and were trying to find a section of the beach to sit down when a greedy seagull swooped down knocking the plate right out of my hand throwing my fish everywhere… the seagulls were worse than kids at the Jolly Rancher Factory after a pinyata is broken.  It was a free-for-all of seagulls and they were all attacking my hands, feet, head, each other and the food lying on the ground. It was mayhem and I lost my lunch. Bumber. I went back and got more and it was worth it… very delicious.

This is where I was attacked...

Becca's HUGE plate of food... she ate it all of course

overlooking the cliffs

Then for our last day in England we took our last trip to a city in South England called Bath. This city was beautiful! The people that we stayed with live on the aqueducts of the city. There were beautiful paths that ran along the aqueducts and out into the countryside. We were staying with a generous family who had 3 young kids. We all took a bike ride down the paths and had a great time! It is always so nice to get out of the city, especially when your riding bikes, and with awesome people! But we left them shortly after to go watch the last Olympic game we were able to catch. We went into Whales for the day to watch Cameroon play Great Britain. Although I had friends on Cameroon, I had to say I was rooting for the home team. It was awesome to see the GB fans out there!!! Luckily GB won 5-0, which meant the fans were going crazy for their team! A lot of goals, a good performance and lots of cheering!!
In the nose bleeds

Then we took off for our last stop. We ended our journey where Becca began 1 month ago, in Amsterdam.

AMSTERDAM
 I am Amsterdam
Holland!!

I have heard a lot of things about Holland… both good and bad. I was really excited to see a new place. Becca had already said so many awesome things about it that I couldn’t wait to see it! We booked a hostel called Lucky Lake hostel, which is a collection of little personal trailers painted all fun colors. The place was AWESOME!! It was located on a lake far from the city. It was a bit difficult to get into the city each day but it was nice to not be in the hustle and bustle of Amsterdam crowds at night. After flight delays and yet another long travel day we got to our hostel just after midnight and slept in in the morning to catch up on sleep. Then we took the train into town and rented bikes because Amsterdam is the biking capitol of the world, after all. Biking here was seriously as stressful as driving in Russia. It was awesome to cruise the city and see everything, but you had to keep your head on a swivel at ALL times… for people, cars, bikes, trams, and anything else that might accidentally get in the bike lane. It was crazy! It was sort of exhilarating though. I felt like I was on the Autoban for bikes.

Our little trailer
Morning cup of joe
The story of Amsterdam
bikes at the train station
Dam Station in central Amsterdam
cruisin' the city

We made our way into the Red Light district to check out the wildest place on earth and figured we should have some lunch while we were there. I must say that everyone calls Las Vegas “Sin City” but that is only because all of the stuff that goes on there is illegal in America… Amsterdam is crazier and for sure more “sinful” than Vegas but everything is legal here so it’s not that big of a deal… I suppose. I loved the city though. It is a crazy place, but I kind of like that. I mean I think 3 days is the most time I would want to spend here, but it was really fun to see for a bit!
Red light district
 The aqueducts between all of the streets... beautiful!!

the home of Heineken

Becca left today and I leave tomorrow and I cant even begin to write how I feel… in fact… I think I am going to have to make that into another blog because this one is already too long and ridiculous… so please check in one more time, perhaps tomorrow or in the next week for an overview of the last 5 months of my life.

Cant wait to see everyone when I get back home! I love you all and thank you for reading. You are the best.

For the last time as a part of this journey…

Cheers!

Dani